First Tear

In the name of Allah, most gracious and most merciful. All praise and thanks are due to Allah, praise and blessings be upon His Messenger.

At night when am awake, the clock already ticking to 2.00 am something. I already promise Hafiz to call him but it's too late as I know, he probably soundly sleep now. Whenever I promised him to call, I end up breaking those and I feel very bad though. Sorry :'(

While am sleeping, I've got about few calls and texts that I've missed from my contact list. But in return I'm trying to call my brother back, he's not picking up his phone made me assumed that he's sleeping perhaps.

I received two messages from my sister and my friend who wishing me. It touched me deeply when someone remember and make your present noticed. Somehow it tear me up reading them. Yeah, I know when it comes to the day, my emotion is not-so-stable and it's normal to see me shred them off.

I celebrate it with having Qiamullail by myself and this is my third night waking up late at night for them. Alhamdulillah. How I miss to celebrating it like what am doing now instead of having party (even I never ask for it each time).

I cried since I kept thinking of my past and my wrongdoing since the new year has made me realized how close I was to my death and this is the growing up feels like that I concern most out of all.

Nay for marriage, haven't had them in mind yet!

To my dear friend, yes, you!,

I know I've been wrong towards you and how I felt your absence recently. I cried when I receive your wishes. Thanks for the dua'a. In sha Allah, may this relationship last forever till Jannah. I've been greedy asking a lot more time to be spent together with you but I never appreciate the moment that we have with.

Let's open the next chapter instead of closing the book. Judge me for what I am now, not my past. Please.

I really do have a bitter history fortunately am glad to experienced it as it really helps me to be what amma today. Thank you Allah for all those blessings and love I have received. Al-Fatihah to my late Mr Processor.