Just Let Me Be

I have something to admit. Am really sorry to my lil Paulina as I kept crying during her B-day! I've tried to get rid of it (instead of respecting her-day) but I just couldn't help myself for being so sensitive. Am really touched since watching the videos collection of GenQ program even am not yet watching the 'Halaqah Sentuhan Kalbu' which relating to our parents sacrifice. Tears kept rolling as I realize how amazing was the Quran is and how beautiful Islam does. What make things worst, am wondering how Christian could realize and know more about the beauty of Islam and how brilliant was the Quran is rather than us as a Muslim itself. Shame on me!

Am about to cry and scream out loud in the rain for all those sins that I've made and really sorry for things that I've done. Seriously! Time hujan lak kan, lagi best. Someone please cut off the crap in my head! am just too imaginative. Am I deserve to be forgiven? Am going to change but how and where should I start? Am just blur and desperately need a guidance here. After the program, when the lights turn on we're manage to be around our team mate and I noticed Zaila's eyes swallowed. And am just guessing how am I looks like as I really tried my best to endure it. After that we're having our Tadarus things and each person of the group member started to recite the holy Quran and they might correct me if there's a Tajweed errors.

As I go back to Beta 3, I saw Athirah sat under Beta 6 maybe discussing something with the rest of two. Am planning to come down to get her after changing my cloth as it's been quite sometimes we haven't had a talk together. My tears coming out like cat and dogs especially when am having a soul-chat with her as she also cried out her problems but am the worst. I don't know why am exposing my secret to her and she knew everything bout me then. Okay, it's a lie, not all.  Am just helpless. Am sorry, I really need someone to say this out, how hopeless I am ;'( .